IT’S NOT WHAT YOU SAY BUT HOW YOU SAY IT!

I am not sleeping well in the last couple of nights. I seem to be tossing and turning. I know it is my own fault. My mind won’t shut off. It is telling me I should of spoke up. Should of done something before it got out of hand.

I was even googling how to get an argument to stop; to get everyone to understand the other person’s perspective.  I might have been in shock but kept getting stupid things in my Google search that didn’t pertain to what was going on.

When two friends get together they can really get into things. When a bunch of girlfriends get together …. Well….. trouble starts. Of course it is all laughter and fun and you leave out of your Second Life world feeling better then when you went into it. You leave with a sense of self worth and respect of yourself and the other people in your Second Life. You are so happy to be a part of Second Life. It means the world to you. These amazing people who you will never meet in real life have made you happier then you have ever felt. You are blessed and thankful your computer is working.

Of course……………………………………….

The opposite happens as well. You usually don’t see it coming. Mainly because you have let these people into your heart and very soul you don’t expect it. Yes, I am talking about anger, resentment, judgement and all those negative things you do not come into Second Life for. “DRAMA!!!”

It always starts with accusations. It seems to always be one sided as well when people are wanting to prove their perspective is the only right one. They don’t see any other side. They only see in their eyes they were done wrong and someone tried to hurt them on purpose.

When this person and/or persons try to explain they are not really listening. They twists the words around and make what they say sound like that person did it on purpose and even they should of known how angry you would become from what they did.

In retrospect most people in any world “I know this is hard to believe” are not out to hurt you. They do not want to jump your fake avatar bones or break up your relationship with your partner. They wanted just the opposite.

This is something that happened. I did have a part in it but really never thought about their perspective and when I stepped out of my mind and heard the other side I accepted and apologized. Mine was tiny compared to the attack they did on the other person. Believe it or not this other person was the happiest during our time at what our task was as a family of girlfriends. She was laughing so hard I thought she was going to pee herself. She even told me she hadn’t laughed so hard in such a long time.

All it takes is someone else’s accusations of what happened. Their perspective on why she did what she did and never even tried to see her side of things.

I think the biggest pain I felt is when I heard this adult woman start to cry. You see I can recognize different cries and not just because I am a mother and caregiver but because I myself have cried that same way. The way I am talking about is the breaking of your heart. The pain at feeling the people you cared about so much really never knew you. You feel they were never really your friends. The hurt is a break up of your self-esteem. It is a pain that if someone would have beaten the hell out of you it wouldn’t hurt nearly as bad.

I sat there. I did not know how to repair the damage. You see words cut you so much deeper then any knife. They are sharper then anything out there. Most cuts heal but words never really heal now do they?

I choose instead to do something I never do. I stepped back and choose to think about it and how to handle it.

I am really not sure what to do but my heart and head will not leave me alone.

One of the many things I have learned from all of this is what people really mean to others. I heard more than one say “We will not chase you!” For me I believe if you love someone, respect someone or even have a friendship connection with someone you DO chase them. You get together and talk it out. Even if after hours of talking “yes sometimes it takes time because hurt and pain takes time to understand.” Just wiping your hands of someone “anyone” is a signal that they never mattered. Not enough to try to communicate and work things out.

Everything and I do mean everything can be worked out if you just want to shut up and listen to the other side of something. You may not agree but you can agree to disagree and compromise at the end.  Letting go and moving on is the opposite.

Maybe that is why there are so many lonely people in this world. So many unhappy and wishing for someone or something in their lives.  I am sure you heard what PRIDE goes before? You may not believe in God but it applies to everything in life.

Love DOES conquer all. I am not talking just about partner love I am talking about any kind of love. Friendships are just as important to love as anything else.

So many say it is not your circus you don’t have to get involved.

Do you really think that is true?

I guess only time will tell.

 

Danni

Maitreya 5.0

This gallery contains 5 photos.

So Maitreya finally went and updated for the first time in years their body. I will have to admit I figured I was happy with the body as it was. I really very rarely changed Danni. Sometimes I would tweek … Continue reading →

Change of our lives

It’s been awhile since I have written a blog. In fact it’s been awhile since I have done any type of writing.

I think a part of it is getting through the holidays and getting better. I became pretty sick and just couldn’t get myself to do anything but sleep when I got home. Oh sure I would jump on SL here and there but really I was missing my bed more then my Second Life.

I kept thinking maybe as I am getting older I am no longer needing the things I once needed from Second Life. I’ve said before I became quite a hermit in my real life. I just didn’t want to be around people. I got kind of like that in my Second Life to. I got where I just didn’t want to get on voice. After all, I can’t remember the last time someone IMed me in SL and said I found something new to check out do you want to come? I miss those days.

There is new in SL but most get into the rut of doing the same things or hanging with the same people.

In my real life a lot of change has happened in the last few years. In my work and in my sense of self. I was hurt by the people that meant the most in my real life, my family. You know really when it is people you feel should love you no matter what and be able to accept you as you are and be in your life through the good times but most importantly the bad times your real world changes when you find out you were living in a fantasy world in your real life. You change and you sure do not want to and also don’t even realize you did. My doctor noticed the changes long before I did. I cried a lot, I screamed a lot, I was negative in so many ways, I no longer trusted anyone or anything, I wished for a place all my own where no one was around. I ended up locking myself in my room most of the time when I was home. Oh sure I did the things I am obligated to do after all I am a caregiver in the real life world so until I get those things done I can only dream of hitting that door lock and running away from everyone and everything.

Throughout time we must change in order to survive. Just like in the Second Life world we have good and bad times in real. I think the hardest part is not changing ourselves but changing our dreams that others will change their minds and realize this is not right and find a way of correcting it or at least try to meet you half way. Unfortunately, that is never the case. When we become adults we lose that sense of compassion in having others in our lives and understanding that we all make mistakes and we are all terrible as well as good inside. Kids get into a fight and then they make up. Animals can fight but then you see the two of them sleeping next to each other on the couch.

I started  slowly trying to come out of myself and my mind. I started meditation classes because the drugs the doctors had me on for depression and anxiety are just a bandage. You must finally find your own path. I went back to exercising and eating better. I stopped eating things I never liked in the first place such as meat and dairy.

Now most of the time I wake up thanking God for my day. I meditate every morning and laugh on the way to work to get my perspective of my life where it needs to be. You see the bad in our lives will pretty much always be there. Life is full of ups and most especially downs. Not right but it is what it is. It is how we let our minds go that help us to make the most of the one and only life we will ever have. I still have days of depression and I do allow myself to take a rest day “mostly on a weekend so I can still feed my family by working” I have even allowed myself  to have a cry day. I hate it the next day when my eyes are still puffy from the other night but I need to accept it is a part of who I am.

In my Second Life I refuse to allow that part of me into the virtual world. After all isn’t SL about being something you wish you could be in your real life or trying things you an never try in real?

It brings me great joy when I make others laugh. It makes my day when someone tells me that they enjoy having me in their life. It helps me see not everyone is going to hurt me and who knows, maybe someday I will allow others in my real life to be in my world outside of the persona I put out of a working class girl trying to make a living. I may channel Danni in my real life and take a chance.

Today was a bad day for me. I didn’t even see the tears coming but my subconscious let memories I usually have pushed down out again. At least it comes out less and less. How long do we feel the sorrow of the people we lost? Some say six months some say years and I say that we always feel it we just learn to allow it to be a part of us now. To move on with the only life we have. Do we want to keep remembering the past or do we want to live in the present?

I think a part of this blog happened because of my partner and his real life loss. I am sad for him but realize he can only allow me in as much as he does because it is real life and we are Second Life. Love is love and we hurt for the ones we love. We are there as much as they allow us to be and we respect their feelings and allow them their time that they need to work through the change and loss in their lives.

Life is a constant change. Yes, we all know this but it is something that needs to be repeated again and again. Nothing ever stays the same. We must learn to take the days as they come and move on and let go.

Thanks for reading

XOXO

Danni

It needs to be a SECOND LIFE!!

Have you ever found yourself doing the same things you do in your real life on the Second Life world.

For me I do a lot of things that are the real me for instance I work in the Second Life world. Not as much as I do in the real life world of course but still do.

I am also into groups and have taken roles that require me setting up things and working.

I also try to do little things like sell on market place. “Danni’s Market Place”

Sometimes work is kind of fun I mean in the virtual world I get to meet new people and learn new things by working in there.

The one thing I crave in the virtual world is to be a babygirl. More important to be taken care of. I crave being held and cuddled. I crave someone listening to me and yes, even sometimes helping me but mostly just feel loved, wanted and needed. I need I guess you would say a HOME. A safe zone. Somewhere I can let loose and still feel like I am loved.

Everyone needs someone. That is a statement and not a question. Being alone is not great a lot of the time. I am not talking about someone living with us but in the connection way.

In real it is very stressful. Ok, that is an understatement . It is all about everyone and everything else. I take care of everyone else. My money goes to everyone else. My time goes to everyone else.

In the virtual world while I am watching Danni descend into the depths of the Second life world I feel the person I am in the real life world melting away like the teleport will not allow it into the virtual world. I can feel my mind move into Danni and be the babygirl I was always meant to be but never allowed out in real.

I get frustrated when I allow the real me out to help others or to fix someone’s problem or to multi-task until the job is done.

How do I not let the real me out so much? I guess being with others who feel the way I do and allow Danni to emerge without pushing real life into Second Life. Of course having my partner around who happens to be a Dominant in the virtual world around helps. Right now he is not that Dominant. He is not able to be in the virtual world because of real life and so I have a very hard time bringing Danni around.

I am hoping in the New Year I can figure out a way to bring the real me back to Second Life. To stop being the control girl and let my hair down and find the cuddles I crave and the attention I need more then anything.

This is Second Life. We must not allow so much of real inside those virtual walls. We must no allow us to judge others or to feel sorry for ourselves. We must be who our avatars were born to be.

Live our Second Lives in the way that we want if we had a do-over in the real life world.

Huggies and Kisses each and every person reading …..

Danni

The times may change but not the feelings inside of Second Life

I have read so many blogs from different people. The one thing that I have noticed is Second Life has been around a very long time and with it comes many people who may have left for a bit but end up coming back. There are some changes that happen on there of course just like there are some changes that happen in our real lives. One thing that is a constant change is age. We are all getting older and we should not feel bad about it but embrace it since there are people who do not get that privilege.

In the virtual world we also get older. We change our avatars and we even change a lot of the things we enjoy doing in there. I think one thing that never changes in there is the fact that we are all looking for connections. Yes, of course there are some that come into the world for building or training in a college and such but most people who go into any virtual world go in there looking for friendships. Some are of course looking for more then that.

I didn’t tell myself in fact I went a very long time without looking for a romantic connection. More so because in my real life romance has never happened. Oh don’t get me wrong I got together with a partner, had children, worked and did all the things you do in real life but the type of connection I am talking about is one that you have inside of you. The type I am talking about is the one that makes sacrifices to be with that person. Who worries about that person even though you have never met that person in the real life world. Who cares when they have real life issues and who misses that other person even though there is others to spend time with and you can sure as heck find things to do in the virtual world when they are gone.

In real life we have finished up Thanksgiving and now heading to the Christmas Holidays. Most of us have real life commitments and obligations and parties and family and and and…..  The place we still want to have that holiday is right there in your computer. It is with that special someone you have missed because of real life commitments or health issues and you are so looking forward to spending time with them in fact you plan things out in Second Life just like you do in the real life world. You look for places to go and maybe some winter wonderlands to explore with your partner. Of course we will also do things with our friends and family in Second Life but it is just those feelings you have for that partner behind the avatar that just seem to get stronger each passing year.

My partner has had so many things happening in the last couple of months in his real life that I have so worried about him and wished I was there to help or just be the person he leans on. Sure we talk on the cells and IM each other but it really just is not the same when you spend so much time apart.

Last night I wasn’t planning on going online because of my own real life and being tired but then he IM’s me saying he was coming online and did I want to get together. Of course I opened up my laptop and jumped online so we could talk, cuddle and I get to first hand without any disruptions here what has been going on in his real life. After that we went to get things together for our Christmas together. You know what? Doesn’t matter what real life throws at us we still find time together and getting things set up and done. We made our 2019 Christmas card together laughing and exploring destinations and poses out there in the Second Life word. He did a lot of the leg work and even ended up doing most of the card. When we were done “took us over 2 hours giggles” we put one on our mantel in our home next to the last four years of cards we have made together. I said to him wow five years I guess you are stuck with me. He says Always and forever babygirl.

Yes, change is a part of life but not love and not the feelings you have for someone.

May you all have a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year!!!

Thanks so much for reading my blogs

XOXO

Danni

Your Gonna Miss this….. Second Life and the memories of the past

During my years in Second Life I have seen so many changes. Some of course are good but a lot are also not so good. We grow up in this virtual world getting to know different people from all walks of life and even more so getting use to accepting things and people just as they are.

We move into new homes way more then most of us move around in our real lives. We learn that real life comes first and sometimes also comes last. In our Second Life because of circumstances’ beyond our control we loose so many people. Some to moving in their real lives, some from breaking up and when you loose one you usually loose the whole grop that came with that person. Sometimes we move around over and over into different homes, lands and so many other ways as well. The biggest thing that we do though is change things around. When we do this we look back and most of the time realize that that was some of the best times of our Second Life. Just like real life we see things after the picking up of things and moving to a different place as something we are really gonna miss.

Click on this link for the song;

I was over with my SL momma at the land we had for a number of years. Due to circumstances beyond our control the land was gone. There were many family members living on that land. We held many get together on the land and many holidays as well. One day we come online and find out we no longer can get on that land. You really don’t realize what the place and people mean to you until you can no longer go there. It was so very hard for so many people.

Standing on the land and looking around to it completely cleaned up or shall I say naked was a real eye opener. That was kind of a place you can go to visit or if you needed to open something or just have a little peace and quiet early in the morning.

We may someday get that land back or may get something else but really it boils down to your really gonna miss those good times with all the people that use to come online there. That past and those memories can not be duplicated.

Just another reminder of how very important Second Life is and more importantly the people in our Second Life.

As always thanks so much for reading

XOXO

Danni

Babygirl needs to let that go sometimes

I have noticed that the babygirl part of me has been kind of locked away as of late. It’s not that I mean to do that it is simply that the Dom in my life has had a lot on his plate and hasn’t been able to be who he is for me.

In the beginning I understand “or at least the logical part of me does”. I keep busy and do other things. Most of what I do now I have realized in my virtual world I simply do not get to let the submissive out and most especially the babygirl out. I kind of am being the fake me that I am in my real life in the Second Life world. More and more SL friends and family tell me their problems and want me to listen and understand. I have been pushing the inner child down more and more where I am not sure where she is hiding. I find myself staying away from the virtual world and even wanting to bring back my child avatar again so no one will try to get me on voice or tell me their problems.

Yes, I have played a child avatar before for those people who think it is nuts they do not understand the feeling of being a child again. It is a way to be taken care of and loved without anyone expecting you to do anything but be the child they love. You do not get asked “What should we do?” Or “Where should we go?” Or  “What are you doing”?  It seems to me that people come into the world and want to get someone else to find the entertainment for them instead of going out and finding something new and exciting to do and then contacting friends or family and letting them know what they found and seeing if they want to all do it together.

Do you know how many times I come online and within five minutes I get an IM from someone saying Hi and then Whatcha doing? I say “I just came on what did you have in mind?”  or I say, “What’s up?” They say the same thing that they are doing nothing or just standing on their land. Why?

So basically they want me to entertain them or find something to do.

Lately I have hung with people and there is no one talking for like five minutes or more and I end up doing what babygirls do best and ramble off about mindless nothings.

In real life I am the keeper of everything. In SL I AM a babygirl. I want, need and desire to be the submissive I am when I come online and not the one controlling what others need for their entertainment.

I miss being a babygirl. I miss going to submissive clubs. I miss being taken care of. I miss the Dom I love so much.

Ok I said the bad word of missing my DOM. Of course this is a blog and we get to feel what we feel in it.

** I wanted to take a minute to say it is NOT his fault! He has a real life and it does come FIRST! The logical part of me knows that and accepts it. The babygirl just peaks out wondering when she gets to get some relief and attention as she so needs.  No worries I will just keep being the strong “coughs” hard working, and can take care of myself women I need to be.

* A quick note this is just one SL girls thoughts and in now way is meant to bring anyone or anything into it. It is not about anyone but myself and in no way is it a reflection on anyone.

XOXOXO

Danni

It’s Halloween inside of Second Life!!!!!

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I am really amazed how fast this year has gone. So hard to believe that we are already in October. Even more so that it is time for the fun of dressing up and going out with friends and family inside of the Second Life world for Halloween.

Halloween inside of our virtual world kind of gets celebrated through the second half of October and not just on the 31st. There are so many neat things to do. Of course we can start with the parties. Seems like most groups have at least one Halloween party. It is so hard to go to all of them. As a working class RL girl who is also a caregiver I do not have as much time to jump on a computer and enjoy my Second Life as I would like.

When I do jump on I am excited by all the Notecards and group notices about the parties coming up. I have always loved dressing up and yes Danni is kind of my Barbie doll but it is even more fun when you are looking for costumes for different Halloween events.

My partner also loves dressing up so this makes it even more fun because when we are able to get on together we usually dress in couples outfits. Of course I always want to out do the years before and so does he. We also do not want to be doing what everyone else is doing in costumes. If you have been reading my blogs then you know I am a bit umm different then most people. I am not afraid to stand out in a crowd or to even make mistakes as so many have seen when I loose a shirt in the middle of a crowd and teleport home red face “in real life for sure” and try to calm myself enough to put another shirt on. This year we decided to be even more different. We found an avatar that looks like paper cut outs. You see we have had a cardboard child in Second Life for ummm about four years now. My fiance made her because our first year together “Yes we are still not married and have no clue when it will happen rolls eyes” we were asked by so many people why we did not do the baby thing or pregnancy thing. Of course I kept telling people we have not had the time to do the wedding thing in there so how can we do the baby thing. I would like to do it right in Second Life since I did it sooooooooo wrong in real life. “We won’t go into that!” But the main reason we have not is because we both have kids in real life and our fantasy is NOT doing that again.

We were at BullGods Choppers and saw cut outs of children that were avatars running around there. He got it into his head and got on his computer and made one for us. We even play hide and seek with little Rose cutout all the time. By the way my love TAG your it!! hahahaha So of course we wanted to match our cardboard child.

We went on a fun night with my parents and other family and friends to The Forgotten. If anyone has ever done that it is a scary maze and you tend to get lost a lot but family and friends usually come to your rescue when you do.

We had a blast and everyone loved our costumes.

Everyone’s costumes were so great as well. Oh what fun to have family and friends in Second Life!

A couple of days later we went on a ride out with my MC the Motor Mafia MC.

X and I decided to be a little more traditional as skeletons but of course I had to have my braids and X well he had his top hat. He pulled out this crazy hearse that had a coffin in the back and the motor as a motor cycle was skeleton. You see when you go riding in a MC you bring lots for friends and family who are not in the Motorcycle world and some are not really able to drive well because of lack of experience or maybe bad internet. He let them climb aboard and we laughed and had a blast.

He also dragged everyone exploring in these 6 seated motorcycles. Let’s just say Halloween and dressing up is so much fun.

Second Life is the place to have fun and explore all the things your not able to do in your real life. Living with different types of costumes or maybe just changing into different characters.

I do want to wish everyone a very Happy Halloween. Have fun and enjoy the great experiences of the holidays in our virtual world

XOXO

Danni

 

 

 

So why is it again that we have Second Life Families?????

In the virtual world of Second Life we have so many things to try and do. We can be any type of avatar you can imagine. We can join almost any type of group in the SL world. We can even have new friends from our State or another State or heck, another country.

One of the questions I have had asked is “Why do you get into a Second Life family?”

Really that is a great question when you think about it. In real life you have had or have a real life family. May be you and your kid or maybe you have siblings or parents or cousins or nieces and nephews. It can even be distant family that you see maybe at family reunions or maybe you just see them on your friends list and as your scrolling on your real life facebook, Twitter, Instagram or other media worlds out there. Since most people do have real life families it is nothing new to most people going into the Second Life world. So why do people do it?

One reason is connections. You may not be blood but you feel very close to these people you now call mom, dad, sissy, brother, cousin, niece, auntie, unkie or many other ideas. You know if you IM them they most likely will IM you back. If you need help all you have to do is hit your group and ask the family and one or the other will come running.

Another reason is the feeling of belonging somewhere. We all need to feel wanted in the world. No one wants to be alone 24/7. We love when a group notice in Second Life or in the Second Life Facebook goes out for everyone to get together on a certain date for a party of dancing, bowling, game night or just to talk and catch up.

Understanding is a big reason as well. We want to be understood by someone. Most of us have jobs we can’t wait to get away from and money so tight you can’t even make it until the end of the week to a burger joint. Sometimes we want to have a family get together in real life but everyone is just to busy or can’t afford to take off to drive all that way or it is to expensive right now to fly, drive or even bring a dish to the family birthday party. We in Second life do understand that. We are just a teleport away and most of the time we only ask you have some clothes on.

Yes, family is very important in Second Life maybe more so because those people who call you family are not connected by blood. Their mothers brother, cousin did not do something that you are now family. “Yesh you probably won’t understand that last sentence *smirks”

It is so important that when a fight happens as it so often does and people break up the whole family is affected. Now there is a piece of that puzzle missing. You still have them on your friends list but you really don’t know what to say to them. They were your family five minutes ago and now they left the family because of something said or done in the heat of the moment or maybe they got bored or maybe they just felt like the rest of the family didn’t want them around.

Try to understand that is not it at all. We bring so much of our feelings from real life to our second life. Not only our personality but our baggage as well. With that comes feelings of hurt and pain and suffering.

A suggestion is to not delete the people and group off your Second Life information right away. Take a step back. Take a week or two away from each other, regroup, and see if you can let things from both parties cool down. The people you called family and love are still the same people. They just did something, said something or desired something that in your perspective you do not agree with. Is that worth dropping everyone and everything you love?

Love is the biggest part of a family. It is the circle that binds us in our Second Life world.

When a person leaves they are leaving the people but are not leaving the love. Love is not something you put in a box and pull out later. It is always there for those people. Even in the heat of the fight or the changes in us.

I really am not sure where I am going with this blog it is just something that was inside of me waiting to come out.

I love all of my SL family and miss so many who leave and feel the pain of so many that have lost someone in Second Life.

Try to work with what we have in there. Try to see the other side. Try to compromise. Before it is to late.

*Note

This is just one Second Life girls opinion

Hugs & Love to all

Danni Thor

Looking for fun and Entertainment

Have you ever gone into Second Life and wondered what you were going to do? I mean you can go shopping or maybe wander around but in order to really enjoy your life you need to do something that gets your mind going. Something to keep you entertained and busy.

It is kind of like real life. How many of us workers out there go to the same job and do the same thing day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year? You get where everything is the same and you finish so fast you now are wondering what to do to keep things going.

I am thinking that is why people change jobs so much. If you talk to your grandparents you will realized they stayed in the same job for 20 years or more and retired and even some of them got another job and stayed there 20 years. I think back then the jobs kept your mind and body moving. You were not just sitting there at a computer because there was no computer back then.

I think this happens in our Second Life world as well. You can go hang with people but just sitting there at your computer talking with someone is not enough to keep you entertained. Your mind needs so much more stimulant then that.

Being someone who has been in the virtual world over 10 years and Danni just recently had a rez day birthday I can relate to that. I know they are always updating Second Life with faster grids and mesh and amimesh but that is stuff. That really doesn’t do much but have you crow bar your credit card and buy lindens to get the latest stuff.

In my profile most of the time and even now I have “If you have something new or entertaining to try hit me up.” I love new. I love to be entertained. My real life is busy but boring. Probably because it is the same job and the same house. I do not have the finances to go out on lots of vacations or even mini-trips. I just get stuck in my house doing what you do in your home. I really do need stimulation.

I do believe they really need to add some more things to stimulate us in the virtual world. Something new and exciting and different.

What? Well if I knew that I would not be saying get something fun and different in there. *giggles

Hopefully whatever different comes along it is not to get people in trouble like all those griefers like to do. It is to give us the joy of living our Second Lives.

Thanks for readying

Danni